In my last letter I shared what led me to choosing a homebirth and some of the research that guided me there. Today I want to share the experience itself. It was beautiful, powerful and something I look back on with deep joy and gratitude. Birth, for me, was not an ordeal or something to survive. It was a blossoming. A becoming. A sacred rite of passage into motherhood. It felt like pure feminine power, Goddess energy and it was glorious.

As part of my preparation I did a Hypnobirthing course alongside my reading. It gave me a grounding and practical tools I could lean on. The three things that helped me most were breathing techniques, reading positive birth stories and positive affirmations. The course helped me see how birth has been portrayed to us, is so incorrect. The screaming, the dramatic scenes of women's waters breaking we see on TV are not most women’s reality. The preparation I did removed my fear of birth and helped me welcome the experience instead of fear it. I was actually looking forward to it and to witnessing the incredible power of my body!

Leading up to my birth, I placed affirmation cards around my home and listened to them on audio regularly. Affirmations such as ‘Each surge brings me closer to my baby’, ‘ Birth is powerful but so am I’, ‘My baby will come when my baby is ready.’ I repeated them over and over and I really trusted them.

As a first time Mum, I expected my labour to be long and that I’d go past my due date. That mindset ended up serving me so much. As I was not in a rush. I didn’t feel the clock, I trusted my body and my baby completely.

On Thursday 11 September at around 10.30pm, I felt a sensation I hadn’t felt before. I told my husband, ‘babe, I think this is it, it’s beginning.’ The surges began that night but they were gentle enough that I could breathe through them and fall back asleep. In the morning I called my mum and my doula, telling them it had begun but not to worry or to come over yet, I truly thought it would still take a day or two.

All day I relaxed, I stayed in my pyjamas, lay on the couch, went to bed, took a bath, following what felt right, good and comfortable, breathing through each surge. Letting them wash over me, they grew gradually and gently throughout the day. In the bath the surges became stronger, and shortly after, I called my mum to come over. Again, I insisted there was no rush. By around 8pm everything shifted. The surges picked up, the intensity grew, and I knew I needed my mum and doula with me. They arrived not long after and shortly after called the midwives.

From that point on it becomes a bit of a blur. I was completely in the experience. Breathing, resting, letting my body lead. I could still speak between surges which reassured me I still had a way to go, but the strength of each surge told me things were moving.

At some stage I asked for the pool to be prepared and not long after, something changed. The urge to bear down came through me with absolute force. It was instinctive and undeniable a real animalistic urge. My body knew exactly what to do. My waters broke somewhere around this point too, though I barely noticed.

I declined vaginal examinations as I never wanted to know how dilated I was. I wanted my body to progress in its own way on its own timing without comparison to a chart. So I followed the sensations and trusted what I felt.

Getting into the birth pool was instant and much needed relief. I could feel the warmth travel through my whole body. Pushing felt purposeful, it was actually almost enjoyable as it was a strong urge and felt like a release, it also gave a little more time for rest between the pushes which was nice. Time stopped. I was tired, but the seneations were powerful and my body was strong, a strength I’ve never experienced before.

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Eventually, exhaustion crept in and I began doubting myself. I had been pushing for over two hours and my baby had not yet arrived. I could feel the baby’s head, it was such an odd feeling, I knew it was close but still felt so far away. This was without a doubt the most difficult period, so close yet so far!

At that point I asked for an examination. The midwives told me my baby’s head was slightly turned, and they advised transferring to hospital for an assisted delivery.

While I knew I hadn’t wanted to go to hospital, I was so tired I didn’t know if I had it in me to keep pushing. So I used the BRAIN method I had learned which when given medical advice you look at the:

Benefits. What are the benefits to what I am being advised?

Risks. What are the risks of what I am being advised of?

Alternatives. Are there any alternative options? (For me, movement was an alterative, they told me to move, lunge and try and move my pelvis)

Intuition. What is the mothers intuition?

Nothing. What if we do nothing?

Using this, helped me slow down and make an informed decision. I took a moment to think, I was tired, I didn’t know how much more I had in me, and I didn’t want to put unnecessary stress on my baby. So with that in mind, I agreed to the transfer. It wasn’t what I planned but I felt empowered in my decision. I had taken my time, asked questions, trusted myself.

The team packed everything up. Mum and my doula grabbed my birth bag. We slowly made our way downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs, another surge came through me, stronger than any before. I grabbed the doorframe and pushed. I felt the ring of fire people speak of and I knew my baby was coming.

In just a few more pushes, right there in the doorway of my living room, my baby was born. My mum pretty much caught the baby, the midwives scrambled for towels and blankets because everything was already packed for the hospital transfer but my baby had other plans. As I had trusted all along, she came exactly when she was ready.

In the rush, no one had seen if I’d had a boy or girl. They called Sibo downstairs and he told us I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. Baby Ananda.

It was magical. Sacred. Everything I hoped for and so much more.

Shortly after, I looked up and the ambulance team was standing in my hallway. They smiled and said ‘I guess you won’t be needing us’, and quietly left.

Holding my daughter for the first time was a feeling that I have no words for, one of the most overwhelming, incredible experiences of my life, bar none! I felt exhausted and after a shower more powerful than I have ever felt. I had birthed my baby naturally, with no pain relief, no medical interventions, at home, surrounded by love. The final stage, birthing the placenta, felt like a blessing, seeing the organ that grew my daughter completed the journey. I had crossed the threshold from womanhood to motherhood.

My life changed in the early hours of Saturday 13 September and nothing has been nor ever will be the same again. I am now a Mother.

With love,

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💛 Emma

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If this letter moved you, please share it with a woman who may be considering a homebirth or who deserves to feel more informed and empowered about her options. One shared story can change a birth experience.

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